February 2012
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I know it is better this way.
I knew all along it would end this way and pursued it relentlessly, with every bit of my heart anyway. I brought myself to this ache. It is clear I enjoy my own agony. In fact, I thrive off of it. How sad to feel so alive through sorrow.
It is better this way. The difficult part is making myself understand the lies spoken for immediate gain, the unnecessary promises of future, and the reasons for...
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My uncle Suliman called me from Amman yesterday.
It felt good to be called habibti over and over.
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A folder containing the first 5 seasons of Daria
is now on my desktop. Excuse me for the next 6 hours.
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There's this tall, country boy
who I talk with on occasion. He called me ‘Nidia’ once and another person in the conversation corrected him. I went with him to look for a rough-legged hawk awhile ago, during which he exclaimed:”Nidia, it’s 10 feet in front of you!”(referring to an immature cooper’s hawk)
I should have taken care of it myself right then. And now I feel like it is too late to...
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“I looked in my heart while the wild swans went over.
And what did I see I had...”
– Edna St. Vincent Millay, from “Wild Swans” (via proustitute)
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I have concluded,
after much study, that it is best to refrain from feeling.
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You were missing that sparkle in your eye anyway..
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Great Backyard Bird Count (GBBC) begins today! →
Today marks the first day of the 15th annual Great Backyard Bird Count! Will we break a new record this year? With your help, it just might happen! As of 3:00 PM Friday we have: Checklists: 2,537 Species: 354 Birds: 172,637 Our northernmost submission in the GBBC so far is from Arctic Bay, Nunavut!
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I got out of bed today to make tea at 9 a.m.
and then crawled back in for 5 more hours.
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“Memory can make a thing seem to have been much more than it was.”
– Marilynne Robinson, Gilead (via devilduck)
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Not seen from the outside
When I am walking to class I envision the girl crossing the road before me getting violently hit by a car. Her body flips in the air and fluids spray.
As I walk up the steps, there is a girl in front of me whose heel barely makes it on the next step each time. I imagine her losing balance, tumbling backwards and smashing her skull open on the concrete steps.
I have these graphic images all the...
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Anxiety creeping up my throat and choking me.
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YOUR MOUTH WAS MADE TO SUCK MY KISS
Solo dance party>studying before an exam
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Nasal spray is better than cocaine.
A week of sleeping with my mouth wide open.The film covering forming overnight.
Sinus infection in my brain. Staring at a paper in front of me in class at 8 am and not being able to comprehend its words.
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“He is exactly
the poem
I wanted to write.”
– Mary Oliver, from “White Heron Rises Over Blackwater” in New and Selected Poems, Volume Two (via proustitute)
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a night on the town
friend: I texted you a million times to come over earlier!
me: oh. I didn’t bring my phone.
friend: WHAT WHY
me: I don’t want them to be able to locate my body.
….
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whyisthishappening:
I think “leave me alone” is a valid response to any question.
I wear my emotions on my sleeves. I bleed what I am feeling. The words I say tumble from my heart not from my mind.
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It is not done right unless I do it.
Watching a boy, who five minutes prior asked if you pushed down to the first or second stop when extracting a liquid, pipette fence lizard DNA into the master mix.
I had to look away.
January 2012
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highsee:
Eddie from Family Matters is guest starring on this one. With the recent influx of 90’s fashion leaking back into the mainstream, I can only hope the skort doesn’t catch back on.
The skort was made for absent-minded tomboys like myself to keep us from flashing the world.
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Catching food a minute before it burns.
Heavily spiced pearl barley, onions, and black beans topped with.. potato chips.
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I fell asleep watching Ramsay's kitchen nightmares...
I woke to still night at 2 am. My computer dead beside me. The skies pouring rain. I laid back and the pitter-patter lulled me into a deep sleep
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WatchBRAVO!
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Father on the phone:
“So I told your mother, there are two types of nasty. There is a good nasty and there is a bad nasty. This is a good nasty.”
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I might as well be blind.
After class I meandered over to the bathroom. I entered, saw that all the stalls were occupied and decided it was not worth the wait. It was not until after I exited that I realized I had gone into the men’s restroom.